Me: Okay. You’re going to duck behind this pillar, slide to the left — yes, that’s right, good slide — and now, without making a noise or needlessly flailing around like some sort of great ape on crack, you will move silently to take cover behind the next pillar. You can do this, Adam. Quiet, controlled.
Adam: HNNNGNNNGGGGG GRUNT HUFF. [twirls all around and does a weird flip]
Me: GODDAMMIT ADAM. EVERY GODDAMN TIME.
A Lady’s Guide to Playing Video Games Online