We will carry each other and we will carry on.
I am home after a mere four and a half days. I was in a mixed state (specifically, a dysphoric mania), which was broken after a few days using medication. Not to keep going on about this too much on this Tumblr, where I normally try to keep it to media stuff, but going into the hospital in the wee hours of Sunday saved my life. The desire to kill myself grew rapidly from a tiny seed to a terrifying, inescapable thing that clouded and colored my every thought. The only reason I went in was because I had people in my life kicking my ass into treatment; they relentlessly intruded, called, texted, and emailed me.
If you are in the same place, I beg you to tell someone. I won’t tell you that things are looking up or offer any trite advice because really, what the fuck do I know? This is what I do know: if you want to or have ever wanted to kill yourself, if you know what it’s like to know in your bones that things will never get better, if you feel trapped and just don’t want to be here anymore, you are part of my tribe. Every time one of us gives up the ghost, the world gets a little bit darker. You matter.
In other news, somehow I had Mad Men spoiled for me while I was in a psych ward. Jesus.